Monday, July 12, 2010


"I feel loved." I've been noticing lately that people DO actually say that...and I have been wondering what they mean when they say it. A young Hollywood star says it. A woman coming out of a loveless marriage and then marrying again. HA... mostly people who are embarking on their second or third marriage it seems. But not always...

I think it is easier for a younger person (or at least one who feels young) to "feel" loved because, the physical attractiveness of youth seems a strong enough to pass for love. Lately, the term "HOT" has replaced "beautiful" or "lovely" as a compliment. I think that is an indication of what is of value and what makes for love-worthiness. But as the old saying goes, "when you're hot, you're hot, and when you're not, you're not." As we age, we shouldn't have to depend upon being "hot" to be love-worthy. I don't pine for that kind of love...but I do pine for genuine love. I don't want to be convinced that I am loved, I simply want to BE loved. I find it difficult to express, even to myself what it is, exactly, that I crave. I don't want to be convinced by deeds or words that I am loved. I want to actually BE loved and have words or deeds flow out of that. I think that if we actually DO love, then a convincing performance won't be necessary.

So today I was reading in Ephesians and I came across the definition of love that expressed for me EXACTLY what I desire...and therefore...according to the Golden Rule...exactly how I need to BE. OK, I know that sounds like a performance...and I said performance shouldn't be necessary....but it is...of course...haha. It should just become less neccessary as time goes on and habit becomes nature...becomes genuine...

Anyhow, this is what I read. It is from the Amplified Bible and so now you know one more reason why I just love that translation. It's the [amplified] part that is helpful in expressing exactly what love should look like when we get it right.

[esteeming and delighting in one another]
Ephesians 5:2 (AMP)

I don't see how this can be possible as a one way stream in the long term...even though it might have to begin as one. I think it will have to become a "one another" thing or it won't be possible and we'll just have to settle for an inferior outcome. Maybe the thing that is helpful for me here is to have it so perfectly expressed what the target is... anothering...

PS....I love this poem by Walt I'm just adding it on. It speaks to me of how I wish....and imagined things might have been at this stage of life....

Not from successful love alone,
Nor wealth, nor honor'd middle age, nor victories of politics or war;
But as life wanes, and all the turbulent passions calm,
As gorgeous, vapory, silent hues cover the evening sky,

As softness, fulness, rest, suffuse the frame, like freshier, balmier air,
As the days take on a mellower light, and the apple at last hangs really finish'd and indolent-ripe on the tree,
Then for the teeming quietest, happiest days of all!
The brooding and blissful halcyon days!

Leaves of Grass, Walt Whitman, 1891